My Bullshit HOA

Home Owners Associations, what a great idea. Having some monthly dues paid by the people throughout the neighborhood so our communities look great. An idea that seems wonderful in theory. I've made a rough guesstimate that my neighborhood has roughly 200 - 300 homes. At $50 dollars a month, that equals out to roughly 15K a month in HOA fees. Well take 5k out a month for homes that are unoccupied. My community consists of 3 pools that they take care of and a few 10 X 100 strips of landscaping that gets taken care of by them. Well give them the benefit of the doubt and say they pay $100 a month for each pool. OK, there's $300 a month keeping the pools clean. We'll say another $500 a month in landscaping that they take care of and i think that's being very liberal on landscaping. That equals out to a total of less than $1000 a month. So, they're utilizing 1/10 of the money that is paid in HOA fees a month. I'd personally like to know where the fuck all the money goes. HOA's are like corporations. Are the counsel members cashing in on these "POST's." Id bet my left foot that they are cashing in on being members of the board. It's mostly old, fat men on the board and try running against them and you're an outcast in the community. These HOA's are like a don't ask, don't tell. No one wants to know the truth and no one wants to question the board. Try having a weed pop up in your yard and you have an instant letter in your box saying your going to be fined if its not cleaned up. HOA's are bullshit. Great idea in theory if they worked for the community and not the other way around. It seems like all my hard earned money goes into fattening up the pockets of these bullshit board members. Plain and simple, i fucking hate HOA's!

Ten things to make/save us money!

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Overcome adversary, with HOPE!

Ok, here it is, time for the world to unite once again in the Communists sport of Soccer. I’ve got to tell you, I’ll be the first to say that soccer is about the dumbest sport on the planet. Why would I want to run around a giant grass field chasing a ball for ninety minutes only to end in a final score of zero to zero? Not only is it the most boring sport on the planet but it’s also has the biggest cry babies and highest ration of sweaty men giving Brad Pitt a run for his money for an Oscar this year. The only thing I could possibly think of that would be worse than men’s soccer would be woman’s soccer. How about we take the slowest game in the world and slow it down even more by letting girls play. The only way that the ratings could possibly grow was if we made them play topless and goals involved the opposite teams going at it in each other’s box.

            The one thing that can make me break my hatred of soccer and more specifically girl’s soccer is the fact that I’m as American as Apple Pie. So, I’ll admit I’ve been watching a bit of the Women’s World Cup action. I was stoked to wake up this morning and find the ladies up 1-0. The game a turn for the worst though as the officials and their anti-American views made shitty call after shitty call in an effort to derail the greatness of the Americans. Doing all she could to overcome the blatant bullshit calls of the officials, Hope Solo made an amazing stop after a red card and ensuing penalty shot was taken. Diving to stop a ball ticketed for goal land, she jumped up in joy and expressed full emotion to show her joy. All of this was taken after a ref made another shitty call stating that she had moved off the line early that was obviously not the case by the replay. The following play saw the penalty kick go in and out the U.S. down a player and all tied up. They were able to hold it together for the remained of the game and took to O.T. They again were at the mercy of the international officials taking out their own countries misery on the U.S. ladies. Long story short, the girls were down, but like any true Americans rose to the occasion to tie the game before the end of O.T. and take to the shootout. Once again, the teams chances were all laid on Hope. She made the only stop in the shootout to give the U.S. the win in a shootout. So, how does a team overcome worldwide hatred and adversary, in one word, HOPE.

            Toady’s game was a little lesson to the rest of the world. You can try and try your best, but you’re not going to beat America! Cheat, lie, and steal and you still wont find yourself on top. The reason that American’s find themselves on top is because we persevere, and come together in times of need. We rely on one another to work as a team to rise to the top. We are the greatest country on this Earth because of our ability to work together and in times of opportunity, grab the bull by the horns and fuck him in the ass!

The Lost Art of the Courtesy Wave

            We’ve all been there before, driving down the road and you’re trying to merge into the next lane. You’re slowing down and speeding up with your blinker on trying to get over. Car after car just keeps going passed you bumper to bumper, not caring that your blinker is on and you’re trying to get over. Suddenly, a car with some common courtesy slows down and gives you a quick motion with their hand for you to go ahead and come over. As you merge over you take a look back in the mirror and give a common courtesy wave to the nice citizen that let you in. You may not have know it but joy fills the car behind you because of the simple ‘courtesy wave,” that you gave in the mirror.

            This is a common courtesy that has left our society of late. Such a simple gesture that gives both of you the feeling that you did some good for the day. So many times we find ourselves actually letting someone over into our lane and we don’t receive the courtesy wave. This absolutely drives me FUCKING INSANE. We could’ve been like all the other cars and bent you over like a cheap Vegas hooker, but we didn’t. We go out of our way to do you a courtesy and I feel like we should do the same and extend them the same courtesy that they just gave! It’s a simple gesture that goes a long way. It only takes a few muscles and the outcome is so rewarding, for both sides. So, I extend this challenge to you, the next time someone lets you over or let you pull in front of them, go ahead and extend the simple gesture, of a COURTESY WAVE.

Whats with some Parents?

Okay, I’ll start out by saying I’m not a father and don’t pretend to know what it’s like to raise a child. My only expertise in this subject is that I have one, which automatically makes me better than fifty percent of Americans. So down to the nitty gritty. As I was driving home today, I swiped my turn signal up to merge into the right lane so I could pass the mid-sized sedan doing ten below and slightly swerving down the freeway. As I passed the silver car and glared over to see who the retard was that was driving like Helen Keller, I first noticed the four to five year old child sitting in the booster seat in the back. Oh, great driving dad! As I glared into the front of the car to see who the magnificent sperm donor was to this child, I see daddy, up front shaving with one hand while his cell is in the other. Wow, is this guy serious? Now, like I said before, I’m not a father and don’t pretend to be, but I’m guessing that the worst thing in the world for a parent would be to lose a child! With that being said, WHY IN THE FUCK WOULD YOU DRIVE DOWN THE BUSY FREEWAY LIKE THIS! You wouldn’t strap your child onto an ACME rocket and send them across the Grand Canyon while you sat idly waving goodbye would you? So, why is it that you would strap your child into the back seat while you give three percent of your attention to the road and the other ninety-seven percent of your attention to being a shitty father! I can see the headlines now, “Father mourns death of only child in car accident.” The local newspaper and channel seven news would interview the father and his only words are, “I don’t know what happen, I was driving and all the sudden we were under a semi-truck. He was probably coked-out and strung out on Red Bull. Why does it always have to be someone’s child who falls victim to these horrible drivers”

            HORRIBLE DRIVERS! Why don’t you take ownership for your own mistakes! Wipe your little girls brains off the pavement, embedded with the asphalt and stick them into a brown paper sack. That’s what you can give your wife when you walk through the door and tell her that her baby is gone because YOU MY FRIEND, ARE AN IDIOT! There should be an application process for people who want to have children. We’ll restrict it to people who have an IQ slightly above a donkey!